disgusting science

A 60% real – 40% fictional conversation.

She: Why did you fall in love with me ?

He : If you think about it, it is all about survival. Human beings for the matter of the survival of their genes, need to find mates. Driven by such a survival instinct, they choose their mates, have kids, and pass on their genes. Did you know, scientists have found that the activity in brain when you fall in love, is similar to the activity of a person on Cocaine ?

She : Well, that sounds true – you laugh and cry without any reason. But my question is : Why did you choose me ? Why not some one else ?

He : Again, scientifically, there are many reasons – First, the sense of being physically attractive. We tend to think that by choosing attractive people, it can lead to a better chance of survival of our progeny. Studies have shown that one of the most common trait of attractiveness is symmetry.(Think: Survival) Second, there are other non-physical traits like kindness. We tend to see these traits, because, physical attractiveness may be faked. Any kind of difficult experience would make us more mean. Kindness is a trait that has a better chance of survival. Third, bandwidth of risk. Empirical studies have shown that we are likely to choose some one in a high-risk environment than in a low-risk environment. We tend to believe that some one with a higher bandwidth for risk has a better chance for survival.

She : Is this your idea of being romantic ? OK. I will humor you. There are scientific reasons for you falling in love with me. But, Why are you still stuck with me ?

He : Well, after making a choice, there is a need to stick together until our progeny is able to survive on its own. It is all hormones all the way from there.

She : You are disgusting.

He : No, science is disgusting.

about:me

A few thoughts, I had written down from time to time. I have intentionally left out the context.

• Just when you think you have a pretty good understanding of how things are, you suddenly realize (or made to realize) how fragile things are.

• Einstein said, “Imagination is more important than knowledge”. This quotation can be improved by appending “in bed”/”except in bed”, as the case may be. (Derived from this comic.)

• Revolutions are so natural. Proof: World sucks! Q.E.D.

• We are inherently stupid. That is why it takes a lot of effort to be/appear smart.

• But again, being smart makes you unhappy(or restless) most of the time.

• All subjects, except sex, are dull until somebody makes them interesting. (I wrote it down once. Recently I found that Paul McHenry Roberts wrote it long before I thought of it)

• And that somebody could be you. (follows the last line)

• Fall in love, at least once. Fall in love, at least to fail.

• Because, as Chuck Klostermann once said, “Meaningful failure trumps meaningless achievement every time.”

• I am ready for a meaningful failure.

pretension

The most difficult thing in being a parent: It is easier for the kid to “pretend to be” that to “really be”.

I understood this just by observing a few parents(including mine) and kids(including me). And since I am not a parent, I don’t know how it feels like to be one. But I believe, this is a serious impediment to understanding.

But you know what ? It is easier of the parent too, when the kid is sold to the idea of pretension.

My GRE Experience

I wrote GRE, the Graduate Record Examination, an year and half ago. Recently, some one asked via e-mail, for advice and tips. I started to write the reply, but it turned out to be too long. I thought it would be better if I put this somewhere on the web, and send the URL, so that it would be useful later. So, this is my place on the web, and here is my GRE story. Skip this, if you don’t care about GRE. And I wrote this in the blog, so that if someone thinks I am blockhead for writing this or whatever, they can do so in the comments section.

So, What is my score ?

Yes, I should tell my score first, so you know the credentials I have to talk about the Exam. Verbal was good : 660 (93 percentile) Quans was, lets say, “not bad” : 730 (78 percentile). Analytical writing was pathetic : 4.0 (32 percentile). Having written GRE qualifies me to write advice for every one else. And hence for the benefit of everyone writing GRE, here are my pearls. (Of course, If the pattern changes, this is useless). That also induced me into thinking that I would write all these standardized exams just to pass on advice and tips. Yeah, seriously… (only,if some one could give me money)

My preparation was just 3 months, well actually 3 months and 2 weeks (Because my car radiator burst three days before my initial GRE’s date. So, I had to re-schedule.)

Plan of Study:

To make the plan of study, I used Google Calendar. I, probably, did not stick to my calendar like 40% of the time. But at least, it would be there in my face – questioning those things I do, not suggested by the calendar. I try to keep the plan as rigid as it was possible, and as flexible as it was needed. I used three books – an used Kaplan GRE prep book/CD, a new Barrons GRE prep book/CD and a used Kaplan GRE verbal workbook.

I was trying to write the exam, while I was working full time. Work was 8-5 every day, and doesn’t usually exceed that. Hence, on week days, I planned 2 hours in the morning, 2.5 hours in the evening for word list learning, and a 15-min flash card session in the afternoon just after the lunch (Courtesy: Flash Card Exchange ). In the weekends, I mostly do math exercises, and verbal practice tests. In the beginning, I also learnt word lists during weekends, but later I just had revisions. I am almost certain that, I never worked more than 14 hours of study each weekend(Sat and Sun), and that includes time for practice tests.

I used my work as my distraction for GRE prep. I felt work was a better distraction. In other words, I felt my work helped, rather than, hurt my preparation for GRE. So, lets start with…

Mastering the word list.

Mastering the word list is useful for Analogues and Antonyms. This task alone consumed around 70% of my preparation time. I felt, there were three issues/caveats in mastering the list.

• The sheer size of Barron’s word list(around 4000 words) is enough to kill any sane human being’s confidence that, they know English. So, I felt that Barron’s word list is a wrong place to start. I felt, I should start with some sub-set of words, and incrementally add new words. In that way, I would have a better coverage of words from A-Z, then add new words, as they come to me. At the least, I would not feel bad that I never got to those words starting with ‘S’ or ‘T’.
• Words are related. But every word list doesn’t show these relationships. If I ask you 10 difficult words you know, you wouldn’t start with ‘A’. You would start with one of the difficult words you know, and look for words that are related to it. Our brain stores words in a non-linear fashion, but word lists, like dictionaries are linear representation. I need to some-how build a non-linear way of storing the information using the linear input. (so that I can revise the word relationships easily)
• Words are easy to forget. Forgetting is so easy that I don’t remember any of the new words, I learned for GRE anymore. I have to find some ways to remember them. What should I do to remember them ?

These were my solutions…

• I started with the word list in the Kaplan GRE Verbal workbook. They weren’t as much as Barrons (Actually the whole of Kaplan had less than half of what Barrons had!!!). Another advantage with the words in Kaplan was, the word list was given in a non-linear fashion. For each word, the related words are listed just below, along with them. That would be really easy way to build my non-linear notebook. After I completed that, I then finished the words list given in suffixes, and prefixes section. After that, I went on the root words and words with similar meanings… (Barrons List comes later – Only after 5-6 weeks!!!)
• While I did those things in Step 1, I wanted to build this corpus of information – word, meaning, its usage and its relationships- into a non-linear method of storage. I used tiddlywiki to store them. It is a reusable non-linear personal note-book. It is actually a Wiki in a single HTML file. As the description in the page says, “It contains the entire text of the wiki, and all the JavaScript, CSS and HTML goodness to be able to display it, and let you edit it or search it. Without needing a server.”
  For example, If I store the word “veracity” in a page, then I add a links to other words such as “mendacious”, “verity”, just below the description of “veracity”. When I click on “verity”, it opens up information contained in same file, in the same window, and shows its description. Its all Javascript magic. I use this to just browse related words, without having to open a thesaurus. I need to make this on my own, so that focus is only on GRE words. Also that everything is contained in a single page. Aint that cool ?
• I thought that I should listen to lot of words. I learnt a lot of words, just by listening radio/video/audio books on the Internet. Idea is that, if these words were reach my other senses, I would remember. Remember, the idea is to build associations.
  
• iPod solution: I recorded myself learning the words, made into to small MP3 files, and stored in my iPod. For example, I can never forget the few words I made play lists interspersed with songs. My play list looked like this
  • “Mississippi” – Bob Dylan.
  • Words that approximately mean “sadness” – GRE.
  • “I am not crazy” – Rob Thomas.
  • Words that approximately mean “craziness” – GRE and so on…. I was just trying to associate vocals with meanings.

• Classical solution : Flash Cards. I make sure that, I spend at least one hour every day entirely for flash cards. I made my own flash cards. I made 3×2.5 cards(almost looks like a square) out of 3×5 index cards, and wrote each word I learn, and the meaning behind the card. Every time I go through them, I separate into three parts of cards.
  • Words I think, I would never forget.
  • Words I think, I might forget.
  • Words I think, I just don’t remember. I try to spend more time covering the third division, allocating time proportionately from there on.

Did my solution work ?

• The idea of making smaller steps first, and then slowly growing confidence worked. I was able to lean enough words, and feel confident that I can learn more, if I work at this pace. I could see that I completed something (which was more important that what was in-complete). After 4-5 weeks, I completed all the words in Kaplan (almost 2000), and then I started working on Barrons list. I, then, used a DOS program from the internet called Advanced Vocabulary Enhancer or AVE to update new words to my learning. It is a flash card program, that keep track of what words you make mistakes, and what words you are OK with. I used the program during the whole second half of my preparation. It was just unbelievable. I have the link, but the link is broken. I do have the copy of the program. If I could find a hosting service for uploading that some where, I would do and update the link here. I also wanted to re-write the program in a easy to port manner, but I never go to do that.
• Tiddly wiki was not as useful as I thought it would be. In the end, I had a single HTML file of size almost 600 KB, and the browser would just cry to load it. Firefox would say that Javascript is not responsive, and call 911. Still, it was useful to revise word-relationships. Probably, more could have been done to keep track of coverage and frequency, while browsing a network of words. If I had enough time, I would have done some hacking to make the wiki better suited for my purpose. But Firefox/IE is no emacs, and javacript is no e-lisp. I might try this, some time in the future.
• iPod Solution: Listening to my own voice for a sustained period of time is one of the most dreadful thing, I ever did. But still, it was quite helpful. I added a few passages from a websites and articles (from Newyorker etc.) gathered using google search of difficult words. After a few words, my mouth went dry. I mean, every word has a fascinating history of its own. 3 months is too short. If I had 6 months to work, I would have done this better. I had to reduce the content of my reading. I used to hear, when there is nothing on TV. Since, I no longer wanted anyone to listen to that drudge – not even me, I deleted everything. World is a safe place now.
• Flash Cards: One thing that works without any problem is Flash Cards. It really works. I can not recommend it enough. It is easier to control, easier to change – very flexible. For example, in case of the iPod recordings, I was not able to skip to next word, or discard a word forever easily. But using Flash cards, takes time of flipping a card. Splitting them was easier, and focus was clear. I vote flash cards as the ultimate study tool ever.

Probably, one might feel that these novel techniques are completely useless. Not really. I had fun while making them, and I was learning those words too. Every word I learn, I record it, Enter into the tiddly, and write down on the flash card. So, not everything was lost. If possible, I might use the Youtube as a study tool next time !!!

And finally

On any given day, if you ask me the opposite of word “baroque”, I would say “elegant”/”simple”. But if its a GRE question, I would ask, “What are the choices ?”. GRE’s Verbal Section is difficult, for the reason that “All human languages are ambiguous”. So, the problem isn’t just learning words, but to understand the meaning without ambiguity. The only way is to read some context along with learning the meaning of the word. In this sense, I liked the Free dictionary. Not only the dictionary lists the meanings of the given word, it also gives a section called “References in Classic Literature”. It was quite helpful.

Quans Practices

The only way I prepared for quantitative section is by practice tests. It took less than two weeks to learn all the Math formulas and other concepts (Ratio, Geometry etc.). After that, its all just practice. I had enough number of practice questions in both the books and the CDs, and just do it all of them! Its pretty much what you learn in high school. I just have to do it as many times as possible, to get over those loopholes, where its get me.

Analytical Writing

I just wrote two essays each week during the three months of my preparations. The problem with this section is that you have no idea how your writing would be evaluated. And I don’t know how to evaluate my essays. I don’t know how good I was. I thought just mentioning the points would be sufficient. Looks like, one needs a lot more than a set of bullet points. I wonder, if buying an official advice would help. I am not sure.

Run-up to the finals

I did six full-length practice tests, starting in the final month. The run-up to the exam was mostly practice tests and flash-cards. You should not assume the score you get in practice tests to be anywhere near the final exams. In practice tests, I got around 520-550 in Verbal and 760-790 in Quantitative – way different from what I got in the finals.

The Exam

It was raining. So, I decided to take the local route, rather than the highway. I started early so that I can drive at half the speed of the allowed speed limit, which as 30mph. I played Enya while driving to the Exam Center.

The first mistake I did was being in the thinking that the initial section was an Experimental section. I didn’t read the rules properly or something. But, I was doing the whole Quantitative section, thinking that this is an experimental section. I was doing it slow, and then later I had to catch up the time. Is it because of the Music I listened ? I don’t know, if this is fair, but I still blame the music for my less than expected Quantitative score. Probably its not true, but psychologically, it helps. If I had to do the exam again, the only thing I would have done different is to choose hear this play list I read in ESPN Page 2, as I head for the Exam Center. It could be. The problem could be that that I was setup with the tempo of “Wild Child” by Enya rather than “LOSE YOURSELF” by Eminem. I wasn’t very well pepped up.

My second section was Analytical Writing, which of course was a disaster. And When Verbal Section came, it was like a breeze. I finished Verbal in 21 minutes, 9 minutes earlier than the stipulated time. And just when I was getting ready to face the difficult questions, the exam was already over. It always happens in all of my exams. (Yes, almost every one of them) I don’t know why. Probably I have a longer lead time or something.

Still, I have no idea how to solve my lead time problem. The exam was over, and the screen flashed my scores after the statutory warning. I blame it all on Enya. (Sorry Enya. I really like your voice. Only problem is that it didn’t work before a GRE exam).

What I should have done ?

Read the instructions properly.

gift idea

I forget birthdays. It always happens that I remember the birthday either a week earlier or a week later. The other day was my colleague’s birthday. He turned 26. Other co-workers reminded me and were discussing what kind of gift would be good for him. Ah! Finally, One birthday I can make a difference. One of them was making a joke, “He is the kind of guy, who would drink Phenoyl for free! You can just gift him anything”.

Well, technically there is no such thing as Phenoyl. Its an Indian spelling of this strong and pungent liquid with phenolic odor, typically used as a sanitizer and deodorant for toilets, drains, grease traps, septic run-off areas, kennels, poultry and animal pens. Some websites spell it as phenyle, but I am not so sure. If you know what it is exactly, Please let me know. Whatever it is, it is not edible, and this link[pdf] says it is “Irritating. Ingestion may cause nausea and abdominal pains. Severely irritating to eyes.”

I said, “Why don’t we gift him that ? A bottle of phenyle ?”. She said, “No!!! I was just joking. He always said he wanted a photo album. We can buy a good photo album.” She might have told it as a joke, but I can’t get rid of the idea of buying a bottle of pungent, irritating liquid as a birthday gift. So, I bought them both – a photo album and a a bottle of pheyle (Its really cheap! Only Rs. 10/bottle). I gift wrapped the bottle of phenyle with this note stuck on the bottle.

Talk is that you would drink a bottle of phenyle, when its free.
I would say,
There’s no better day to clean your toilet, than your birthday.
Happy Birthday.

At the party, the un-wrapping of the photo album was un-eventful. I told him I have a special gift, that he should open. I gave him the bottle, wrapped with a really nice, light brown gift wrapper. He felt it was a bottle, and asked if it was some kind of champagne or wine. I said, “Not exactly. But, you are on the right track. Its something you would drink!”

He was surprised, of course. I encouraged him to open and smell it, so he could be sure. And, what you know, he did smell. He said this gift would be most unforgettable one in his life. Yeah! Sure. I can’t forget giving it either. Well, it takes just 13 rupees(bottle+gift wrap) to make one of those moments of life, that you can laugh about. Now he has a story, that he can tell his grand children, later in his life. So do I.

spin

Last week when I was preparing my resume, I was carefully selecting only the projects, that would, er… well, look good on a resume. I wasn’t actually lying. I just was preparing a refined version of truth about my professional career to fulfill specific goals. But I didn’t have a word for this selective thing, I was doing. While I was searching the word and had almost given up after a while, Rands in Repose came to my rescue. Rands in repose is a blog on software engineering written by Rands, who – in his own words – is “an engineering manager of teams that designs stunning software”. The word I was looking for is Spin; And I found this, when I read his recent post – Truth vs. Spin. As Rands defines it,

Traditionally, the opposite of Truth is Spin. Spin is a pejorative term that comes out of Public Relations land. Spin is the deliberate selection of facts constructed to prove a specific point.

Rands gives an example for Spin – the weekly status report, the piece of literature from the cubicle-dom prepared with absolute indifference.

Go fire up your mail program and find your last status report… Does it represent everything you did in the last week? I’m not suggesting that you didn’t work, but is that all you did? Probably not, so what did you document in your status report? You document the stuff you were asked to document and you document stuff you just want to tell people about. A status report is your Spin on the last week. It demonstrates how you carefully select facts from the week to portray a specific version of the truth.

Of course, I was spinning on my resume. After reading Rands, I started to think of more examples of Spin. I thought I would just write these example all along. But, I am bitten by the Powerpoint bug… And so, Here are the bullets!

• commercials – the root of all spin. If there were ten commandments on Spin, the first one should be “Thou shall never forget the spin quotient of an advertisement” .
• profiles on social networking sites such as myspace, orkut etc. – The second layer in the hierarchy of spin is based on the simple question – “Tell us about yourself”.
• every thing else – media broadcasts, dates, interviews, mobile phones (the official device of spin), mobile phone conversations, sms, instant messaging, e-mail , snail mail, avian mails(pigeons), and telegrams
• and mysteriously in this is list is, that dinner you had with your girlfriend’s parents a few months ago. (Why did you smile so much ?)

According to a recent research conducted by Spinesian University of Spinville, the whole fabric and foundation of human communication is Spin. You just have to look around for spin, and understand the direction, that you are being spun. Understanding Spin is the only way to reach out to your soul and the glorious path to enlightenment – it is the Zen of all human interactions. After all, this blog post, you are reading right now is my flimsy spinning effort on Spin!(You saw this comming, right ? Come on, I mentioned the ultimate spin software – “the mighty Powerpoint”)

irony

Nov 7 2006 – The day did not start like any other day, but it didn’t seem any wired either. It is not every other day I wake up in a Kodambakam(Chennai) hotel room at 5:00 am in a rainy morning. It is not every other day that I catch a flight from Chennai to Hyderabad at 9:00 am. But again, it was not something unusual, or a sign of all the things to come. I had been to Chennai this weekend to attend a Marriage reception ceremony of my friend. I was returning back to Hyderabad that morning, as I do have to get to work.

The flight reached safe, and I got to home in Hyderabad at around 11:00 am. It was already late, and I really do have to get to work now. I thought of changing from my t-shirt & jeans to a formal wear, but since it was already late and the security strap tied to my baggage wasn’t coming off my, I decided to go casual for the day. When I reached work, I didn’t know that the Dress Code Police was at work. I didn’t even know that there was a Dress Code Police at my workplace. Well, anyways, some guy stopped me at the gate, and extended his hand towards me saying “Hello”, with a condescending look and assumed air of authority. I know he works here too, because he was wearing the badge. But, I don’t know who he was. I didn’t ask “Who are you ?”, but I hesitated to answer him.

Taken aback that I wasn’t responding and his hand hung in air pointing no where, he asked, “So, you hesitate to shake hands with another colleague ?”. I responded, ” Well! You talk to me as if we are familiar. But, I don’t know you.” Then, he introduced himself. Yes, that sounds better. I told my name. Then he told, that my clothes were not appropriate and asked the reason. I told that I have been flying in from Chennai, and I was late and so on and on. He made a joke and laughed, which didn’t understand at all. Finally, I was told that I have to go back home and change or I wouldn’t be allowed inside. He also told that my bosses will be informed of the delay that I caused myself as a result of the “attire issue”.

First, I didn’t know how to react. I am tad conservative on the matters of professional attire. Yes, I do think that the wear to my kinda work should be formal, at least for 4 days of the work week. But the way I was told made me feel like a school kid. If my boss has told to me -or- if any HR personnel had told to me in person about my “attire issue”, it would have be more dignified. But, this dress-or-go-back-home method sounded so middle-school-ish. I remember an event in middle school, where I was asked to go back home, because I didn’t finish my home work. Probably the next time I was caught by the Dress Code Police, I would be asked to write the statement “I will wear formal wear on the first 4 days of work week”, 50 times in the black board. Or Stand up on my chair while I am working. Or probably, some form of corporal punishment of the medieval times.

For my commute, I use an arrangement, quite prevalent in Hyderabad, called the “shared auto”. Auto-Rickshaw or Auto is a three wheeled vehicle, supposed to carry only three passengers, and supposed to be metered like a taxi. But, under the “shared” arrangement, this vehicle is made to carry five passengers and every passenger pays the fixed amount arbitrarily decided by the vehicle driver at the end of his commute – supposedly based on the distance the passenger travels. The cost is not as much as the metered one, because the driver picks up his revenues on volume, rather than per-unit. I went back home, changed my clothes and returned work on a “shared auto”.

At the end of my commute, I was supposed to give the driver my fare – 4 rupees. Within a moment, I had a disturbing discovery – I forgot to bring my wallet (purse)!!! I changed from Jeans to a formal trousers, but forgot to take the wallet!!! I told the driver that I had forgot the wallet. Looking down upon me, the driver asked me in a menacing tone, “What do you want me to do, now ?… Tell me, Sir. What should I do now ?”. I looked helplessly. Fortunately, another passenger came to my rescue. He told the driver that he would pay my fare too. I thanked him… twice or may be more. I had nothing but words at that moment. Even, that came with a whimper.

But, there is still some more… Sometimes, When extremely accidental events happen, you wonder, if they were a perfectly scripted play. When the “shared auto” was about to leave, a small girl wearing a plain dark green dress came to me and begged for some money. I thought for a moment. Of course, what I was experiencing at the moment was heavy-duty guaranteed-for-life embarrassment, but there was something more than just embarrassment. I really wanted to hold her hands and thank the little girl, but, I laughed and told her, “I didn’t even money to pay to this guy… You are asking me the money ?”. Every one including the driver in the vehicle laughed, as it passed me slowly.

I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the moment. Just two days ago, I was told that I would get 250K rupees of credit limit for my credit card application, if I just show my pay slip and my organization bage. But, this moment neither my pay slip nor my ID could secure a credit of 4 rupees with the auto driver! And the girl, who begs me, thinks that my “formal wear” should mean that I could solve her poverty! I was laughing quietly at myself, just happy to be – there and then.

self.reflect(…)

When started, the idea of this blog was to make my thoughts as brief as possible. But after having successfully failed at my attempt to keep myself brief, I decided its time to change the name of the blog. Hey, If you can not change, just change how you call yourself. So, the new name for this blog is self.reflect(…). And the tag-line is # a reflection of me and everything else onto myself, and vice versa. Even though I don’t expect a tag-line to contribute to this blog as much as it does for a Telugu movie, it helps to deceive everyone that there is something more than just a dumb title. (I am huge fan of Telugu movie tag-lines. I mean, seriously. Who cannot be impressed by “Bommarilu – Love makes Life beautiful” or “Sprasha – Be ready to be Touched” ? . For more, flip to “Gemini” channel and watch “Bioscopuu”. )

There are two completely insignificant reasons why I kept the title in the form of a statement written in a computer language. One, after working with computers for a while, it kind of grows upon you. Very often, I see myself as a computer program badly in need of a maintenance contract, and a separate IT department with pointy haired managers. No.. no.. that is a different issue. Moving on to the second reason – When expressed as a line from a computer program, everything is brief. The title of the blog, actually, squeezes this whole post into a single line. To tell you the truth, the content of this post is redundant to the title and is wasting your time. You can just read the title, and go back to whatever you were doing before. At least, you can do it now. Seriously. I mean it.

But, you might not do what I advise and read this line. Then, I would tell you about the billion dollar research and development behind the new name. The word “self” is lifted from the syntax of Objective-C, and Ruby language (I think it was actually stolen from Smalltalk, I am not sure). The “self” in this title represents no one but me, this insubstantial self as it writes this word. The use of “.” between the subject “self” and the function “reflect” is a convention used both in Ruby and C++. Since the “self” pretends to do something while it muses upon the objects of reflection, “reflect” is a function – an act – being called upon the “self”.

The use of “…” is the C/C++ language convention for variable arguments. Here, it means “everything else”, those objects I reflect upon and that reflects me. Since “everything else” is actually everything else, I use “…” as shamelessly as I use it with the word “etc” (I feel that “etc…” amplifies “etc.” by 200%). As such, the whole statement “self.reflect(…)” doesn’t belong to any one computer language. That is to trick everyone that I, the self doesn’t have any language bias. I mean, I use every form of every expression in every language I know to do this reflection thingy (and to waste your time and bandwidth).

When everything is said and (nothing is) done, I got a comment from someone – “So, you are going to reflect. Sure, I will bring my sun glasses.” I think that this someone knows me. OK… I made up that comment. I just started reflecting…

dream of a democractic school

When I read the book “Maverick” by Ricado Semler before I even got my first job, I was blown away by the idea of the book. I was fascinated by the way how Semler carried out his company Semco’s transformation from a traditional “pyramid” organization to something described like

Semco’s staff work in small, autonomous units of about a dozen (the size, says Semler, of a close family group). They make the decisions, choose their leaders, set objectives and decide who they need and what they should be paid[...]

At Semco we did away with strictures that dictate the ‘hows’ and created fertile soil for differences. We gave people an opportunity to test, question and disagree. We let them determine their own training and their own futures. We let them come or go as they wanted, work at home if they wanted, set their own salaries, choose their own bosses. [...]

At the heart of our bold experiment is a truth so simple it would be silly if wasn’t so rarely recognized: A company should trust its destiny to its employees. [...]

Every decision of the company – from salaries to the cafeteria’s menu – is decided by the employees democratically. Meetings are voluntary. There is little bureaucratic control beyond financial accountability. Most importantly, the employees are treated as adults rather than an asset – another piece of furniture.

Well, after I got a job, and found the stark reality of how a company functions – no different from how Military is run. Except for the uniforms. One wears a tie, instead. I realize that organizations are more Dilbert like rather than Semco like. (Funny how, I read Dilbert only after joining organization. I think every company should give a copy of “The Dilbert Principle”, rather than make those dull Power point presentations during the placement interviews in Colleges)

One day I was coming back from work in a local bus in Hyderabad. Travelling in a Metro-Bus anywhere in India is the ultimate feast for all your senses – You smell everything Coconut Oil, Shikakai, Soap, Sweat, Cement , Iorn, Dried Fish or Jasmine – it really takes my breath away. You see everything that is India. And you touch, and you are touched. Any where I travel in India – I make sure I use Public Transport at least once. OK…I digress.

I got this idea of a school that is democratic as Semco – where the student chooses what he or she studies. The student has a say in how the school is run, who their teacher should be, and what they want to learn today. I did get a some inspiration of this idea “The Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance”, where the professor abandons all grades so as to understand something in a qualitatively rather than quantitatively. I seriously think abandoning grades is a good start for a free school. (free as in freedom, not as in no-cost)

Anyways, I pat myself on my back for thinking of such a wonderful idea. Fortunately, I didn’t boast myself to anybody that I got such an original idea. After a year or two, one of my friends told me about a democratic school in Germany called Sudbury School Even though the site is German, it didn’t take long for me to realize the original idea of Sudbury school is from Farmingham, MA USA – The Sudbury Valley School. It was founded in 1968. To give an idea of this school, I will quote one of the founders

At Sudbury Valley, a class is an arrangement between two parties. It starts with someone, or several persons, who decide they want to learn something specific — say, algebra, or French, or physics, or spelling, or pottery. A lot of times, they figure out how to do it on their own. They find a book, or a computer program, or they watch someone else. When that happens, it isn’t a class. It’s just plain learning.

Then there are the times they can’t do it alone. They look for someone to help them, someone who will agree to give them exactly what they want to make the learning happen. When they find that someone, they strike a deal: “We’ll do this and that, and you’ll do this and that — OK?” If it’s OK with all the parties, they have just formed a class.

I still do have this dream of building such a school one day – where every student is free to study what he or she wants. Every student has froms the class, choses the teacher, and learns – learns free. May be the idea sounds too romantic. I need to do a lot of homework on this. Until then, it is my “some day”…

vagueness of a psychiatrist

I saw the movie Analyze This yesterday. The movie is about a New York mob boss (Robert De Niro) seeks the counsel of a psychiatrist (Billy Crystal).

In the final scenes, Billy Crystal would appear on behalf of De Niro, in a meeting of gangsters. Before going to the meeting, De Niro’s right-hand man would give an advice to Billy Crystal to be vague. Billy Crystal replies ‘I am a psychiatrist. I can’t be nothing but vague’.

I have never been under a counsel of a psychiatrist, but I have read books written by psychiatrist. More often, I have felt the vagueness in their content. I mean, they seem to talk about something, but they wouldn’t conclude on anything.

I think, the goal of a psychiatrist is to induce, what they call a break-through in a patient. This break-through is not a target, you can push people into or heal only with medicines… Its a kind of self-awareness.

I have to relate it with the puzzles in Zen Buddhism. These monks ponder over some puzzles , to reach the state of self-awareness. A sample puzzle would be – ‘Hear the sound of one hand’. Yes, its vague.

I guess, it all comes down to something like – If you really want to know yourself, immerse yourself into vagueness… Hmmm, Very interestingly vague.